The human race is unpredictable, unfair and hurtful, but in all fairness can be loving, caring and beautiful. It’s funny how we can know someone for a lifetime but not really know them at all, wouldn’t you agree! We all know some what about everything, but little of all.
We get caught within this all knowing, thinking we understand another better than they know themselves, but truth be told we are only privileged to see the sides of an individual that they are willing to show us.
Life has a way of getting into routine as they say, we set our ways and usually continues on a path of consistency. We settle into new experiences and if we feel satisfied enough to continue on their paths routines are created. Our human interactions are not too far from this mark either, we find common ground with individuals and set our standards of conduct within that relationship usually early on. We test the waters of acceptance by evaluating the receiving responses that further reassure the expectations we expect from another. We come to believe that one is to act and react in a certain way and subconsciously create a baseline or so called contractual agreement within ourselves about how another should act.
The truth is we are chameleons within all life’s events. Little by little we grow and subconsciously adjust our ways to suit the situations at hand. Can I ask, are you the same person you were five years ago? Have you changed your outlook on life recently or grown? Do you act differently around your parents than you do with your friends, significant other or how you conduct yourself throughout your professional life? See we change the masks of our personality more than we realize.
But change is such a strong and misleading word, don’t you think! Yes we grow, yes we learn and that’s how we evolve and so do our personalities. We can learn a lot of wondrous things about ourselves and others within each and every circumstance we’re privileged. Many times we experience a different angle to another’s personality and instantly we start to reassess everything that we have come to understand, confusion strikes midnight and we are left with this uncomforting feeling towards them.
As humans, there are many faces to our personalities that we may never experience nor understand. Dependent on the situation and stage within our lives can cause us to act and even react to situations in an entirely different manner. As each and every situation we are faced daily, there can be many element and influences at play. Be our thoughts, emotional state, past experiences, or future projection, all these unforeseen elements will shape the actions we take within that very moment and dependent of the ratios and ingredients mixed together, can create an unpredictable response. It’s like baking a cake, so many ingredients can be used, but a poor choice can turn a masterpiece into a disaster!
Unfortunately we are the first to change our perspective of another so quickly due to an emotional event that has taken place. I have seen marriages, friendships and even family’s fall apart due to the slightest happenings and ever the major ones. That one poor choice can make a fairy tale relationship into that dreaded nightmare. We tend to anchor the last emotional event that’s occurred to highlight and even summarize our entire relationship, forgetting all the positives that have been shared in the past. (Suddenly a once called friend becomes a stranger in our eyes and labelled an Enemy.)
We use harsh words to justify ones actions that haven’t rested well with us, calling them such names as backstabbers or two faced individuals, but how can we be so quick to judge another when we don’t understand all the hidden influences that have contributed to this misfortune. Many times the individual at fault may not even understand why they have reacted in the way they did, it was simply just a confusion of subconscious influences that shaped the event.
When we are dealt with an unpleasant situation or event that has had us questioning our relationship, we must understand that a friendship is on the line and can be lost. We must look at the situation and understand all the influences at play. How would we feel if we had done that very mistake? How would we react to that certain situation with the exact same influences that have driven our friend to such extremes? Ask yourself, can this event strengthen your relationship if you were to save it? Are they worth a second chance in your eyes?
Below I have provided a few short stories to summary ones thoughts of confusion that have shaped an unfortunate event to take place.
Let’s say you’re in the hour of peak trying to get home after a long and stressful day. Instantly you are cut off from what seems to be a carless driver, “What a Hoon!” you yell in anger caused by your state of shock and disbelief. As you speed up to approach the driver’s window, you come to discover a nurse comforting a man in distress and in serious need of medical treatment. Your perception changes immediately!
Years of Suppression
Jaimi was a compassionate soul, never judgemental and always took life’s happenings with a grain of salt. “I am 25 years of age, I am not perfect but the art of perfection comes in time” she would constantly say to her closest of friends. Jaimi was a single parent, she lived downtown in a studio apartment with an open layout. It was nothing to be proud of, however she strived to make a home out of a square rundown catastrophe. Her home was clean and neat, polite yet petite and as Jaimi was a perfectionist this was a way for her to really show off her artistic side. Jaimi had her fair share of struggle earlier on in life, and on the surface it seemed she was in control and nothing seemed to shake her much. Her heart was taken young by her high school prince charming. Once her mother was diagnosed with severe breast cancer when Jaimi was at the age of 14, Tyson was there to comfort her and eventually this caring bond blossomed into what should have been a marriage of the century, however this was not the case. Their marriage lasted just shy of four years. Jaimi thought they were growing closer together after the birth of Annabella, but Tyson was distancing away. The social pressures of parenthood were weighing heavily on Tyson, but he was too proud to admit his defeat to his dearest Jaime and walked out one night never to return. The marriage ended soon after autumn three days before their fourth anniversary. Jaimi took the guilt as a fault of her own and remains single to this day. Jaimi was left alone, yet she stayed positive throughout this time of struggle, as thou it seemed. Two year have passed on and from the surface Jaimi seems as charismatic and positive than ever, but this façade she shows the world has an uncomfortable pillow of comfort that she rest her head on each night she tries to sleep.
A few days ago Jaimi’s closest friend arrived at their usual lunch date just around the corner from Jaimi’s apartment, which Jaimi saves all her loose change from the alphabet soups she buys Anabelle every week to spoil herself a skinny latte. However when her friend Samantha called her that Thursday, Jaime had reacted in a completely different manner that had Samantha questioning their friendship. “Jaime where are you, I have been waiting for 15mins already, it’s not like you to ever be late” she replied to the answering tone as it went to the beep. Ten minutes passed and Samantha had grown frustrated feeling used, thinking to herself “Jaime should have called to tell me she couldn’t make it, instead of me sitting here waiting like a friendless disappointment” as she sat in the busy dinner all alone feeling insecure. Samantha was the jealous type and felt very insecure about herself, it seemed that all her friend had been married early on and she was destined to live alone. She found comfort with Jaimi as she was never judgmental and always provided Samantha with the reassurance she needed constantly. After fifteen minutes the waiter advised Samantha to leave if she was not prepared to purchase anything. Samantha grew even more frustrated with Jaimi and felt betrayed, “I was made out to be a loner, a complete embarrassment” she muttered under her breath as she stormed outside. Samantha in all her rage decided to call Jaime again to express her disappointments.
Meanwhile on the other side of town Jaime was not having the most of what was meant to be a relaxing day. Annabelle was up crying all night and coming down with fever. Further she received a call earlier in the day by her employer advised that her pay wouldn’t be realized this week, as they were changing their finance firm and outsourcing the procurement department. These circumstances affected Jaime in a negative way as she was living on a pay to pay week, and kept her daily routines religious. As Jaimi woke earlier this morning after her scattered three hours of sleep, she wasn’t feeling the best. She would usually suppress her passed emotions well but today they were starting to surface, it may have been due to the lack of sleep she had or just the underlying fact that she had tried to keep these feelings suppressed for so long and grew tired of covering them under this façade of perfection. To be completely honest Jaime forgot about her weekly plans with Samantha, as she had also forgotten to charge her cell phone the following night which is why she had missed Samantha’s call prior. As Jaimi realized her phone was empty she quickly rushed over to the counter to commence the charge, whist heading to the counter she slipped on a small puddle of milk that Annabella had spilt seconds before. The breaking point was close for Jaimi as she took a few deep breathes and said to herself “Stay Positive”. As soon as Jaime finally had enough charge to open her cell phone, she was surprised to see an incoming call from Samantha. As she answered the phone she instantly felt guilt towards her forgetfulness, however that quickly changed as she was amazed with the response Samantha had given her.
“How dare you make a fool out of me miss!” Samantha roared “I am so terribly sorry babe, I have had an awful day” responded Jaime, confused by the way Samantha was acting as she had never spoken to her in this way before. “You better be sorry, you call yourself a friend. How would you like it if I did that to you” responded Samantha clearly upset. Jaimi felt an unexplainable overwhelming feeling of what one could only explain as anger, disappointment, hurt, fear, guilt and about two years of bottled up emotions. She finally snapped! “Excuse me, calm down! I have never treated you with such disrespect before. My day has been one out of the pits of hell and for you to act in such a manner is disrespectful” She yelled. The arguments grew as the insults were returned with each statement that was shared. You could feel the years of a friendship being damaged. Finally Samantha hung up the phone and since that day the friendship has never been the same again.
Jaime had never spoken in such a way to Samantha before, however all the external influences and internal disappointments in her life had exploded within a two minute call from Samantha. If Samantha offered a bit of compassion or suppressed her disappointments this story could have played out in a completely different way. Samantha and Jaimi still talk however this encounter has both scared them with regret and guilt, but most of all poisoned their perception of one another!
Small and major life happening change our perception in so many ways than it would for another, what one can cope with another would fall. We forget to assess all life’s influences when they are really needed. We get into this undiscovered or overanalyzed belief that people are two faced, not genuine and even deceitful without really exploring the reasons why. Instead we take these happenings on a face value forgetting to shed the light on all the curves and edges present. We like to believe that we know how we would act or react to curtain situations and quick to judge another without ever realizing the hidden letters substituted by a simple apostrophe and as we all know a simple apostrophe can change an entire understanding!
You hear stories of others doing trouble things or un-foreseen actions and we are the first to judge, only because we don’t understand the circumstances at hand and left interoperating it on a bias and limited understanding. Others may fall victim to seduction, fear, and even pride not to mention drugs and alcohol which causes us to act and react to circumstances in unexpected and explainable ways.
There can be hundreds of situations that present themselves in the same outfit, but dependent on all the supporting elements and influences can play out in a trillion different ways. So before we are quick to let a friendship vanish prematurely remember all your past memory’s you had once shared. Understand that they are still the same person and that they have not just magically changed overnight, it is just another angle of their personality’s you have got to see. Let these happenings help you to further understand them. Remember to treat everyone in a way you wish to be treated in return. We all fall victim to mistakes and things we aren’t so proud of, thou to forgive and forget can set us free and be the salvation to a fairy tale relationship that it once was before. We all make mistakes as we are not perfect, after all we are only human and it is all part of our experience.
That the purpose of this message is not to justify the regrets one makes, but to guide one to understand that there are many elements at play. For what we interpreted on a surface level, can be deceiving to an untrained eye. That evil does exist but not in the human skin, as we are made upon the image of all that is good so for that we shall learn to forgive. Humans are sensitive creatures and easily lead astray, but not by nature that has blessed our days, instead mislead by the confusions we gain along the way.
We all know the relationships that serve us wonders, and the ones of regret. So I ask that we evaluate our relationships even when their gloom, but don’t let the happenings of the day set you aloof. At the very least lets forgive and forget to let the troubles rest and we shall set them free to live in peace.
I hope you have enjoyed this post, I look forward to all your comments.
Until Next Time, Take Care For Now.