Life comes and goes but it never stays for too long, truth is it is a momentary experience.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s post. Please feel free to share your insights and comment.
Until Next Time, Take Care
Life comes and goes but it never stays for too long, truth is it is a momentary experience.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s post. Please feel free to share your insights and comment.
Until Next Time, Take Care
As much as we try to avoid it sometimes its unavoidable. The greyer side of any situation can slowly emerge within seconds of what was meant to be a pleasant exchange of words.
We have all experienced a situation that has eventually been blown out of proportion one way or another. Ultimately, it’s rather comforting to know that it’s quite rare for another to go out of their way to make our lives difficult unless they have an emotionally driven motive to do so because let’s face it, it requires a lot of time and energy and that’s time and energy most of us can allocate more valuably and effective elsewhere. But like all things questionable within this experience we are living it is never disregarded right! But this post is not about sabotage and validating who is right and who is wrong in the situations we face daily, No. This post is about ourselves and being that ultimate backing force of support when the world seems against us at times.
It is ever so easy to decipher any situation whilst observing on the sidelines, when we are not the ones in the direct fire line as they say. It is amazing how much there is to be observed whilst we are not emotionally impacted or directly involved within a situation. It could be because we are not being bias, or solely because we are just assessing the situation from the words being thrown around so forcefully that pack a punch to our understandings. But as we all know there are always to sides to a story and that usually means two separate understandings.
First comes a shallow hello of uncertainty, assessing the retrieving parties’ response before we frame our conversations. Then starts the blame followed by justification from both ends, its nothing less than an emotionally fuelled blood fight scaring and staining years of positive memory’s in the process. More times than none the individual that has a more direct and forceful approach always ends up being on top hanging their victory flag so high and proud for all to see. Many of us may think it is easier to close out a situation nice and early taking all the bitter blame just to silence the aftermaths and consequences that are promised in return in order to just get on with our lives, but what goes unnoticed is how it slowly starts to affect the lowering individual as time passes. It creeps up on us ever so slowly until it becomes large enough to consume us. Yes, I am a firm believer in disarming a silly situation before the volcano erupts and causes a world of misery, but I also believe that we must hold our grounds firm and strong when needed. It is not about who is right and who is wrong but to be heard, respected and acknowledged. For most of us all we want is to be fair and reasonable. The powering individual is usually stubborn most times and dismisses any form of acceptance of fault just to further validate themselves, but don’t be fooled by their domineer, the words you say will sit in the back of their mind no doubt and self-justify your intentions soon enough, so make sure your voice your concerns.
To have faith and trust within the individual you are. Don’t wait for friends and family to support you as in most cases they will which is an amazing gesture, but build that internal trust and love for yourself, this is a must!
See there will be times in our journey that feels as though the world has all turned against us and we are left all lonesome, but this is when we need ourselves the most. We must hold ourselves up and build an internal love for ourselves. To trust and love the ones we are. We must be that ultimate force of support. To be heard even if it is for ourselves to hear, to know that we have our backs and we trust the one that we are!
There is an amazing shift that happens within one once we trust ourselves, once we support the person and the decisions we make and take full responsibility for the individuals we will become. Ultimately you are the most important person of your life and we all deserve to be loved by ourselves before we can expect anyone else to love us in return. I believe this is the first understanding we must master to unlock a world of abundance. Our internal physic that is buried deep within us will be flooded with positivity and internal understanding once we do so. It is just like spending the night in the arms of your dearest companion, sharing your positivity with one another, instead you give a sense of love toward yourself. We are all amazing but truth be told if we don’t grip this understanding of how to support and love ourselves, to believe within the power we possess how do we expect anyone else to? It’s simple. See everything we do in life, each experience, each person we meet and every situation we are blessed be good or bad are all adding to our ultimate understanding of who we are, what we deserve and what we are capable of. See we are the centre of our universe! Everything stems from us. Remember, the way we approach each situation will differ depending on how we understand ourselves in that moment we are experiencing them.
we all need to be conscious of how we are feeling toward the individual we are from within at all times. When we are ready to take a risk in life, or we are feeling nervous toward a situation grab your own hand and know that whatever is to happen, you will still have yourself at the end of it. Whatever is said and done you will still be there to support yourself and stand by your side through the thick, thin, fire and flames.
Once we forget this truth our entire experience and approach is altered. It is important to understand that everything we have experienced throughout our journeys and the person we were in the past is still here within us. If we were committed in the past toward a specific goal and now we feel unmotivated we can easily turn it around. I mean we have all proved our greatness in the past right! It’s all to do with how we feel about ourselves and the understanding of the individuals we are within the moments that come to pass. Have faith! Our internal dialogue plays an important part of our self-confidence, “Yes I am shy now, but I never use to be?” or “yes, I was motivated to reach my goals no matter what but now I seem to have given up?” But it all comes back to how we assess ourselves within the moment, our environments and our faith within ourselves! It’s not about what we can lose because everything we have gained in understanding can never disappear, the question is what is there to be gained!
If we just give up without even trying what message are we conveying toward ourselves? That we are not worth it or undeserving of a better future? Come on, what good does that do? Do we really want the sympathy of others? Not really right. We must gain our internal confidence once again. Yes, at times it feels as though we are learning to be the person we use to be or the person we wish to be, but the more we believe in the person we are today and have faith of the strength we possess the quicker we will regain our confidence once again! Trust me, try it. To acknowledge yourself is an ultimate thing to do. Listen to your voice as you speak to yourself. No, its not crazy, it is showing love to the most important person in your life, YOU!
I think of myself as two people, the person that the world sees and the person I know I am and what I can become. An external persona and one of internal spirit. To be satisfied with the individual you are within every moment of existence, to be accepting and loyal, to have our backs one hundred percent no matter what, even if the odds weigh over us more times than the clouds in the sky. We must never put ourselves down, we must treat ourselves how we wish to be treated by others. How do you wish people to see you, what is the ultimate way you wish to be praised and understood, this is how we should learn to treat ourselves?
To back down at a situation that we know we have done nothing wrong and to sub miss to it just adds to our internal understanding that we may be at fault. Thus, we start absorbing all that negativity and understandings that we are not good enough to be heard or even acknowledged. it all adds to our subconscious understanding of who we are, even if it doesn’t seem like it at times. During these heats of frustration, the opposing individual comes to believe we are a push over and that we were in the wrong all along, just to justify their guilt that they may experience. Like all things that get misunderstood they eventually escalate later, even when the basis of their judgement maybe wrong. In other words, we go against ourselves and leave the external us to fight all alone. See when we neglect ourselves especially when there is nothing to feel guilt towards, how do we expect anyone else to support us? When we don’t have love for the person we are, then who is left? In time, we eventually feel its wrath. Call it self-bullying, neglecting, being unloved or dismissed of, whatever we call it one thing is certain, no one deserves to be treated in this way, right or wrong! However, if we have done something wrong we should acknowledge it and understand our wrongs. Admit to our wrongs, but don’t neglect ourselves in the process, we stand by our mistakes this is how we learn to become the best version on ourselves. If we have done nothing wrong, we hold your ground firm until the others understand we are not in the wrong. Have trust in yourself and stand by your decisions and actions. It’s quite simple, if the world is against you and you take sides with the masses, how do you expect anyone else to stand by you and more importantly what is left of us when we don’t even trust the one we are?
Don’t neglect your internal voice, let it be acknowledged. Feel your body, heart and soul when its dragging us into uncomfortable situations, let it be heard not neglected left lonesome somewhere in a dark corner just swaying back and forth. If we continue to sub miss to every situation that comes about which presents some misshape and just shy away? What is this conveying to the real you, the whole of you? Are you expressing that you’re not worth being voiced or even heard? To make things worse many times individuals have an argument caused by a misunderstanding and the powering individual always concurs the fight, leaving the opponent (You) to feel that you were in the wrong even though we are not. What message does this convey to ourselves? When it is all said and done, and we continue to submits to these toxic habits they will stack up so high that the bookshelf will just fall and scatter everywhere causing us to scatter our understanding of who we are.
We are us and we must always be there for ourselves. Understand that the most important person in your life is You! Its not selfish, its an understanding that the person we are will always be there by our sides to comfort us, to provide that support and strength even when the tables have flipped. So always believe in yourself and stand your grounds when needed. You will thank yourself in time to come, trust me.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s post, and I look forward to hearing all your insights and comments.
Until Next Time, Take Care.
I would like to invite you on a journey. A journey of self-discovery and questioning. To present an opportunity for you to learn a little more about the person you are and your capabilities. A quest of trust and inner voice, designed to give you an insight that can help you experience a world of feeling and knowing even before you are presented the outcomes. It may seem unbelievable at first, but let me assure you that it is only a result of our disconnection to the world around us! A reality understood only by prior reassurance and fear.
I want your mind to walk alongside by mine for a moment, to unlock a hidden potential that we all possess. It may seem as though we are disconnected at times but it will all makes sense in the end.
We are living in a time that keeps us forever stimulated and we can see how adaptable and persistent we can be. We excel in an ever-changing world and we can multitask more than we have come to know. At times we feel indestructible, onto of the world juggling more than an acrobat in the middle of a circus show. Other times we feel as though it’s all too much carrying a world that outweighs us more times than one. But don’t be fooled by what we are being presented, the things we choose to take upon us and action. There is a sense we are using but it seems to be camouflaged and it’s time to make it present.
Intuition seems as though it’s all made up, we hear of it often but truth be told it doesn’t really measure up. So what is it and how can we experience this amazing additional sense that seems to be swept under the rug, just gathering dust until it seems inexistent. When I think of Intuition I instantly think of human instinct, that sense of understanding something instinctively without words or conscious reasoning. It’s a knowing of certainty without evidence. It is a subconscious experience and a marvellous one at that!
Albert Einstein once said “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift” But what did he mean by all this? A man that has had his name live on through generations and many more to come must have seen a potential in all this!
Intuition is something that has become so distant to all of us, somewhat of a myth and disbelief. But before we go to fly with the fairy’s in a magical wonderland, let me express my understanding from within and how I have come to Intune myself with this sense of wonders.
Firstly let’s open our minds to the possibility of the unexplainable with some knowing that has been presented to us but never really explained. This way we can start to grip this understanding in a logical way. Can I ask you if you believe in human/animal instinct? How can animals sense when it will rain or when there is danger about without being presented the evidence at first? Could it be that it is subconscious and that is the reason it stays so well preserved underneath our actions. Or how were our past ancestors so Intune with their environments that they created works of wonders that we can’t really explain today. Yes I’m talking about the pyramids, civilization, cultivating language and understanding astrology. Was it a result of having far less distractions than we do today, which helped them to really Intune themselves with the environment around them or with their intuition? Hmmm back in a time that nothing was confirmed with so much to discover, they didn’t have any evidence they could fall back on to reassure them on their hypothesis? No conscious reasoning of reality or imaginative! So they must have used intuition via trial and error! Could it be that we are so Intune within this modern generation of reassurance and only believing things that have solid evidence attached to them, even when there is still so much to be learned! Ponder on that thought for a moment. Or is it because our all so busy lives have finally taken us away from our natural habitat to camouflage our true potential.
Intuition is a feeling that signals warning bells or magically makes us feel reassurance to a certain dilemma we are faced via an internal feeling or hunch as they say without any form of proof or evidence. But don’t be fooled of the potential you possess as it seems to lead us astray at times. The way I look at intuition is understanding that it just like all our other senses. At times our eyes play tricks on us or our hearing gives in due to other supporting elements that seem to sabotage our understandings. Like our other senses, the way we understand intuition and use it is critical. We all know that mental reasoning always tries to mask our true intuitive sense by either past experiences, or even fear that can make us give up on even trying to Intune ourselves with it and even make us believe that it is inexistent.
Let’s try something for a moment, all together. Can I ask you all to close your eyes and actively focus on your surrounding environment? Feel the air pass through your body, listen to the surrounding noises and focus on how all your senses are responding, gathering information by sound and touch solely. Now clear your mind and picture a colour of pure white emerging all around you until it is all you see. Focus on the sensations around your body, can you feel the Goosebumps or as I like to call them our scenery buds absorbing all the surrounding information to help clear our minds and help us to silence our thoughts and internal reasoning. We neglect our senses ever so often and I believe it is because we have trouble silencing our minds. Also because we have fallen into this belief that if something is not justified with solid evidence then it must be make-believe. See when we feel unhappy or depressed we start to indulge within our conscious reasoning and ignore everything but negativity around us. But what if these feelings are our senses working as a gentle reminder that our position in life may not be right, can it be a slight reminder that maybe it’s time to work on a certain area of our lives or that something must change. Maybe our bodies are reacting in a negative way, just to reminding us to shift our focus into a positive mind-set. This is also a form of intuition or human instinct. To be couscous and willing to open ourselves up, will in time help us all to tap into this amazing sense that we all possess.
We can listen to logic, but we must also listen to our souls as well. Somethings are left unexplained to the conscious mind however the subconscious picks up on all this data that your mind has come to believe is not relevant.
As we have adapted so well into our external status orientated environments, I feel we have distanced ourselves away from listening to our true desirers. Intuition may be many things, it may be higher powers guiding us through the energy of the world, or our subconscious that picks up patterns that seem to be forgotten. It could possibly be the language of our souls or our hidden desires voicing themselves. Whatever this amazing sense is, one thing is for certain! It is just as important as our other five senses.
When I am troubled in making an important decision or I am feeling down, I feel that taking a break and trying to Intune myself with this magical sense can do me wonders. I think in the space of possibility and positivity. There is no wrong choice or bad chess play at hand, there is always so much to be gained.
So I ask next time you feel a little down or are faced with a dilemma that seems all too clustered. Take the time to voice your inner understandings and get a feel for what you earn for without that internal reasoning. Who knows it may just be what you needed all along. After all the one and only Einstein himself credits intuition for much of his success, that’s enough proof for me to trust in the power of Intuition. So listen to your intuition to help support your decisions. Let it help navigate you through a road of uncertainties, challenge your assumptions and enhance that Intuitive intelligence we all possess together.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s post, I would love to hear everyone’s insights on intuition, so please feel free to comment.
Until Next Time, Take Care
Have you ever woken up with so much energy, you couldn’t supress it no matter how much you tried. That moment of genius, catching waves of gold as they swish on by your all so busy mind. That moment your inspired by another taking a chance on life just to prove the masses wrong! Yes we are all amazing beyond our greatest imagination. All the worlds’ riches are in reach as long as we stretch our arms high enough to grab them. All we need is laser focus, solid belief and consist motivation to carry our inspirations to reality!
On the other hand I am sure you have also woken up in reverse, feeling drained, un-motivated, allowing life to just take its same old predictable course that we have been on since as far as we can remember. Those Annoying patterns of failure continue to immerge just enough for us to feel the wrath of its force? Truth is these days can make us feel quite Inexistent at times. It’s a real dilemma that’s for sure, nothing pretty about it! However these days of unfortunate waking’s don’t have to remain in a negative mind-set, all we have to do is transition from an un-wanting state to one of possibility and belief. They say once life opens its doors of abundance, it will flow in so quickly you will be left questioning yourself “where have you been all my life”. However in all fairness it is so easy to be discouraged and can feel that we are flowing against the current at times. Gifting nothing but misery in all you attempt to do. Once we get stuck in the belief that life’s doors are so jammed up that even a butterfly living another day has more chance of survival than the blunt and bent chisel we are using in hope to jar open the doors of our fate does, it is easily to see how we can just give up without really trying. It is important to remember that the good and the bad are just mere stepping stones, hidden lessons within a wind of gusts. This is the moment that we must turn to the mirror and ask ourselves, do I have enough faith, do I believe. This is where motivation works wonders.
Now what is motivation you say? I am so glad you asked! Motivation is an extended emotional state that is created once we decide that our inspired cause or goals are possible, even if it seems momentarily at time. Motivation is the feeling of persistence and knowing that you can make anything possible, if you choose to. Motivation is a force of power that keeps the fuel tank always full, and our hidden adrenaline in prime form, it is a state of power.
Do you believe in coincidences or accidents? With every single event and situation there is something to be learned as we have explained in the past, but how you take the experience and choose to incorporate its lessons within your waking reality is what makes all the difference. Inspiration is what your heart earns for, what it desires, it is the belief that what you desire is possible and in arms reach. Motivation on the other hand is the trait that will keep you trying if you believe it for long enough. Proof is all around us, it may be seem scares to see at times, however it’s evident enough to make us believe it is possible. To dream and be inspired means that your idea of possible has resonated somewhere deep within your make up, it’s the art of being in tuned with what is possible and the art of feeling it throughout your spirit, body and soul. To continue to feel your belief in a positive way is what causes motivation, not to be discouraged at the first mishaps that occur. See I believe that mishaps are not accidents or coincidences that cause us to derail at times, instead I fell that they are higher workings protecting us and even serving us as reminders that are; there is either more to be learned, reminding us that we may need to believe more or just that there is something better coming soon enough and it’s not our time just yet.
Many of us keep on life’s course just long enough to believe that this is all we are destined for and build a comfort around it. Just dismissing all the ideas and possibilities that are achievable out of shear fear. However those that take a chance on greatness and really Intune themselves in reaching their goals will be the ones that shape the world and create an impact within others or even the world!
To dream and to believe that anything is possible is the first step to achieving greatness, to catch on to that dream and continue to believe it with every single moment you are blessed is a truly powerful act that continuously pushes us a step closure to making it a reality. The world acts in strange and weird ways we know, but if we never see our dreams through all the way, they will always remain a mystery for us.
Let go of fear and believe that the impossible is just a word to describe something that has not yet been experienced as yet, not that it can’t be. Play your odds for a big success. Understand that when mishaps occur they are lessons in disguise and blessings, keep positive and keep your burning desire alive, you are sure to create an impression in others with the energy you exude and have them believe as well. Be that positive impact you wish to see in others and see how life rewards your doings. Act as though you have already achieved your goals and you will see how the results will start coming in ever so quickly, it may even through you off balance with excitement.
So what are we waiting for, lets spring out of bed and approach every situation in a positive mind-set, don’t settle for any less than your dreams, because this is your life and you are worth it!
I believe in you!
I hope you enjoyed this week’s post and look forward to all your comments.
Until next time, Take care
There is something all so magical about the way we find yourself strolling unexpectedly through unexplored and never seen before territories. Acknowledging hidden alleys, cities, caves, mountains to even fountains, valleys and waters. Taken by each sight and breath we see and breathe. Distracted by nature, manmade structures and truly unique individuals. The question is, when you are captivated by and taken hostage by each and every single moment you experience, what will define you!
It is ever so evident how light we instantly become, whilst effortlessly swifting through life’s path when we decide to just let go and embrace our limitless spirit. When we really start to Intune ourselves within each experience with no expectations, deciding to leave no rock unturned within our discovery’s of travel. Friendships are made, new skill and personal understandings are created to the point of enlightenment for some. We change our approach to life and usually start to be influenced by the new environments around us. But during so many meetings and acquaintances we gain along our travels, one thing is evident. No matter how much we learn and grow into the person we wish to become, we will all have a story to be told. No matter where life takes us and how much we evolve, we never forget our foundations and early learnings. Sure we mature with each moment we are blessed, but there is always a sense of home deep within us, that always remains.
Travel is something that is admired within many of the modern era. Some of us are motivated to travel for the experiences, others for a sense of growth or excitement and others just take advantage in embracing the ease and opportunity’s at hand, and why shouldn’t they right!
Thinking back to my travels and all the abundant experiences I have been blesses, there are a few simple truths I noticed, especially within western societies. That is that we are all battling these same understandings and earning for the same things in one form of another. From city upbringing to the country side many of us are ever so similar than we think. If it is love, family, personal growth, health, carrier, dreams and aspirations they are all one of the same desires we all share.
Let’s face the truth, we have all dealt with our fair share of heartaches, and troubled by the same global issues. Global warming, terrorism, natural disasters, health dilemmas, you name it. We have all either been directly affected or have experienced it second hand through close acquaintance and it sucks!
Many of us have such a hard time relating to people and even relating to ourselves at times. We look at life and others from such an isolated standpoint. Endlessly trying to justify with ourselves on all the little differences we have toward others just to prove how different we may be. “I don’t fit in because of x, y and z,” “it’s for the best, they wouldn’t understand anyway” But truth be told, the more we focus on our differences, the more we drift apart. During our travels we tend to openly embrace the cultures and differences we experience. Maybe it’s because we know it’s only short term, and not forever. But when we return to our routine lives we eventually forget our new understandings and they eventually become just another vivid memory, scrapped aside like the rest of them. We discard the strange and weird in others when we are in the comfort of our routine environments because they just simply don’t fit and present us with too much un-wanting attention.
But the simple truth we so evidently miss or choose to ignore is that we all so similar than me know! This understanding is something that major organisations have recently started honing into and are now using it within their marketing approach and it is working wonders!
Firstly we are all one of the same species – That’s right the human race. With this piece of understanding we are already ever so aligned to each other. We all have two eyes, two arms, a mouth and toes. All our physical functions can do the same as another. We all have the ability to utilize our five senses, smell, touch, sight, sound and taste. We all have a brain, heart, imagination, breathe and all feel emotions. So we already can relate to a majority of others immediately.
We all have the same functions, we all have the ability to understand and experience any emotion that another is currently experiencing, so why don’t we take advantage of all of this! It is like buying the newest iPhone and just using it to make calls without exploring it to its full potential. Call me crazy, but there is so much left un-discovered by many of us!
We focus so much on separation that we lose the meaning of togetherness and let our egos and negative behaviours guide us to the point of isolation. We start to become shy distancing away from the pack, negative experiences and learning phases throughout our lives start to imprint and scare us in all we do. But we are all still learning and these happening should be understood from a learning mind-set and an exploration frame.
That all of us are capable of greatness, good and evil, we can sympathise with anyone we wish to and we can find commonality’s within everybody we meet. Now we are unique and there is no one just like us, but these are our quirks, the golden Easter eggs imbedded within our personalities, they are not a reason to make us feel some sense of superiority or neglect toward other.
Truth be told we are all children that never really grew up, there is no right or wrong. We were never issued any instruction manual on how to behave or how we should undertake our day to day doings, we are just simply learning each and every day by our environments. We are all trying to fit into an ever evolving world.
I recently heard a speech from Mark Zuckerberg the other day, he went on to explain ones purpose and how we immediately expect major corporations to introduce new ideas, never even considering that we could be that change the world is urging for. And as these talks usual do, it got my brain ticking. I started questioning myself that if we are all just learning from the environment around us, what makes any of us different to those of higher power? If we are all children always learning but never actually growing up, then aren’t these individuals of higher power just like you and I? If we are all a species of the human race then are we not all on even playing fields?
Yes it may take more work to get established and become noticed, however this may work within our favour. The trick is to focus on the subtle truths. Small changes and the ever so evident are just as profound as those of impossible. If we are all of similarity, then truth be told, we all respond to the same things like everybody else on a subconscious level.
Facebook, started to connect Harvard, however as Mark Zuckerberg explained, never did it ever occur to him that he would one day connect the world, he started off connecting Harvard but that’s where he thought it would stop, until he eventually connected the entire world! He explained that connecting the world was something he thought major corporations would do, not that he would be the one to actually make it happen and look at him now.
Steve Jobs understood the similarities within man, he made small and subtle advances within all his products and eventually made his name one to be remember for generations to come.
So truth be told, the very morals we hold are not so hard for people to understand, dilemmas we hear that others are facing and battling though can be sympathised by all of us, the strangest ideas we magically envision are not as strange as we think. Awkward moments, shyness are not something that is really holding us back. Possibilities are endless, similarities are present, and anything is possible.
I feel that many of us dismiss the ever so evident only because it seems all too easy and this causes it to become unbelievable. At times I sit and think to myself how past generations, especially those at the earlier stages of our saga achieved the unexplainable, was it all due to the simple understanding of knowing the human functions and potential a little more than we do now, with no distraction from a demanding and ego driven world, maybe they had the time to really understand themselves and what others crave for.
The more we discard the feeling of differences and start to realise our similarities and togetherness, I feel the closer and more loving the world will become. That we are all one of the same, sure we have different methods of achieving what we desire but the functions are one of the same. Understand that the world is not as complicated as we think it may be and if you can truly understand yourself, you have the ability to understand everyone that shares this very gift of life. And never forget, if you can see it then you can create it!
Further if you are interested in watching Mark Zuckerberg’s speech he gave at Harvard, please click the link below.
I hope you have enjoyed this week’s post, Please feel free to comment and Share.
Until Next Time, Take Care.
I am sure by now your journey in life has treated you with the presence of some truly unique characters, even those of similarity. With every wake an abundant potential awaits to be discovered. Truth be told there is uniqueness around each and every corner of our waking lives. Have you noticed how everyone is attracted to a range of different attitudes and characters dependant on their life situations and what they are seeking? So why do so much of us put such emphasis on the way we preform our day to day doings?
This concept really got me thinking of all the unique individuals that I was blessed to meet along my journey in life and those that have remained close by. How, in certain situations and stages of one’s life we are attracted to a range of different traits within individuals. How our understanding of life matures as we go on and how everyone no matter your age or experience at the time can be drawn to even the most of extreme experiences that life has to offer. Call me crazy, call me insane, but hear me out before you do!
There are times in our lives that we may hear stories and revisit events that have taken place in the past, it’s hard to even imagine that was us right!, It has all changed now, we have grown up, circumstances change and people grow, sure we all repeat these very words within our ever revolving minds from time to time, I know! But do all these social and external pressures really change us for good, or are all our previously understood traits just suppressed. Dependant on our focus in life, we substitute our energy in all different ways. With each experience there are the pros, as there are also the cons. Within each event there is always something to be gained and understood in a way that differs from another. Do we tend to loose ourselves in the process of this journey in life, or do we just continue to grow and start supplementing our energy toward our current circumstances. Or, is it that we just mature to a greater understanding?
How do we achieve that equal balance of perfection that suits us just right? Stages and event take place for a reason, the problem that occurs is that we usually dismiss any event that has had a lower impact on our emotional state and only focus on the major ones to really justify our understandings. Negative experiences are labelled as negative, and we do a great job in the way we label it as a lost cause and let it rest without really picking out the needle from the hay stack. We fall into patterns that usually stay for long periods of time until a life changing event takes place to slowly shift us away and force us to change, or until we consciously decide to change it by repetitiveness.
To be honest we don’t really notice how much we change and grow throughout the course of our lives until we consciously try to see the changes. The process of change within one is usually slow and incremental, dependant on the situations at play. It can be hard to pick at times, even our closest of companions will seem the same if we are in their presence quite often. However once there is a gap present you will most evidently see a change. At times, the change will be that dramatic you may even find yourself questioning, how were we ever friends.
In all fairness though, there are still times that we may feel as though we have dramatically changed as life proceeds. Some reflect on this change as a positive, where others will feel a sense of discomfort to it. The takeaway from this post is to have us understand that the person we were, and the person we are now is the same the very same individual that was reflecting back at us all those long years ago. The people we admire and the individuals we look up to can also be incorporated within our all so diverse character as well.
Life is the ultimate candy factory, there are so many different flavour and creations ready to be tasted by all of us. Some sweets will be loved by some more than others. Others have not been tried yet and await to be discovered, some we may have just grown out of and we may prefer another taste now as we have matured. Within each life event and situation we will learn a little more about ourselves as we go on, some traits and characteristics that were learnt in the past never disappear they are just forgotten and others are just supressed by a more emotional underlining event that has diluted its effect and keeping it from surfacing, or you have just merged that understanding into a greater realisation that has caused it to seem all so new.
Understand that yes we do evolve as time goes on, but the traits we pick up along the way and attitudes we incorporate are all experienced within a different mind-set or understanding that can play a completely different effect on our internal experience. We have the power to pick and choose those traits we admire and practice their perfection in any way we like and wish. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself if you feel as though you are acting and forcing a response that makes you feel discomfort, understand that life is a one of opportunity and discovery. Let your hair down and let life take you on a journey that it has prepared for you. Understand the person you were in the past and the traits you learned that were admired are still existent. Pay attention to how your understanding toward them may have changed due to your experience and acknowledge the change within you.
Were we may more loving, caring, fun, positive, imaginative, and empathetic or open in the passed? Does it seem as though these traits have magically disappeared and merged into somewhat negative. Pin point what could have made this shift within your behaviour and see if your new approach is complimenting you or if it is just poisoning your approach today. Don’t fear change or new experiences because they are a way to expose us to new understandings and experiences. Be the best form of you that you can be. The one you were and the one you are today is the same you, start to notice all those patterns within your life. Are you supplementing your fun time with too much of your professional life? Are you avoiding new experiences due to negative and past happenings? Are you supressing your quirkiness just to avoid being judged and made fun of? Understand that this is your journey and you can shape all your experiences as you like. Always remember that the only true opinion that matters is your own, feel pleased with the one you are and experience life in an effortless way that brings you joy and happiness.
I hope you enjoyed this post, please feel free to leave comments
Until next time, Take care.
Let’s take a journey down memory lane, to see how certain situations and behaviors may have subconsciously imbedded within our mind-sets to confuse our ongoing approach when it comes to relationships and perfecting our approach toward our significant others in our current or new relationships. Let’s visit those past relationships, especially those that may have made us feel a little insecure unwanted and unsatisfied. Those experiences that may of left resentment within ourselves, regrets and negativity.
There are generally two approaches and understandings humans take away from any experience. One is positive and the other is negative. Have you ever noticed how certain events can influence the approach we take today within similar occasions? Dependent on the responses we receive from the individuals we are presenting them to. These understandings in time will start to incorporate toward our acceptance criteria that we believe may be desire from others.
Within each relationship we continue to grow our understanding of what is acceptable and how our personality’s and approaches should be altered to suit a more promising outcome. But what I find extremely fascinating, is how much an individual will change their approach due to the experiences and situations they are exposed to during their past relationships or those events of importance within their lives. I’ve seen many individuals change dramatically, altering their approaches, interests, even the way they communicate to the point that we find it hard to believe the person that they once were before. Sure many will say that relationships are a way to grow more mature and learn, which I agree with one hundred percent. However it depends on how the lessons are internally understood.
First of all we are all unique, we all react and respond in different ways. Where it gets tricky is when we experience an amazing relationship with a partner that has completely swept us off our feet, which causes us to adjust all our personality traits in order to secure that unique relationship. We open up and genuinely start to express ourselves in all different ways. The problem lays when the receiving party disregards our efforts toward certain situations, which then causes us to second guess our understanding. This then starts the altering process that makes us change, even in the most subtle of ways. We notice a change in the dialogue we speak, our communication patterns solely because the receiving party does not approve of our previous behaviors. See we start to adjust our approach to suit a unique point of view and acceptance. The key word here is Unique! The hardest thing is when these relationships end and we continue to incorporate these once accepted behavioral patterns solely because we believe these are the traits that are respected to attract a similar person that we once fell in love with.
In reverse our prior partners will understand the less attractive behaviors we performed during the partnership (or they believed were a flawed approach) that don’t resonate with them and dismiss all future relationships on these traits alone, reading ones entire character solely on a behavior that they have come to believe as negative. Many individuals will continue to initiate new relationships with individuals that resemble past relationships that had failed in the past. It’s fascinating to see how once an emotionally attached relationship has ended, the individual that felt as though the relationship ended prematurely and was not entirely ready to move on will be attracted to a similar type of suitor. Similarities may appear in appearance, culture, career or even interests. See the person that has not entirely accepted the breakup will try to find a suitor that is similar solely because they have associated the understanding of togetherness and love with this type of person and come to believe that a similar individual will have the same traits as their previous spouse. With that said if it was a negative experience then we will usually avoid these sort of traits or even be cautious around them. The problem with this understanding is that we are all unique and nobody is alike another. Sure there may be resemblances however due to ones upbringing and personal experiences they will vary dramatically. We even start to focus on subtle signs that we have come to believe are warnings of a similar event taking place. However how can it be the same when we are dealing with a completely new individual? Many times we will even evoke the responses we want through our behavioral patterns only so we can justify our own egos and make us believe that we were right all along.
The troubling thing about this approach is that some of us will incorporate the so called strengths of our past spouse or negative behaviors “Things our spouse used against us to make them seem more superior or give them the upper hand” and transfuse this behavior within the new partnership. Thinking it will be a way of us to secure our position and a way to avoid further hurt. We even notice our previous so called flawed approach within our past relationship and dismiss any kind of behavior within our new spouse, forgetting the fundamentals of why they may be behaving in such a way. Eventually we become the person they were hurt by without even realizing it!
We are all unique, we all have our quirks. The way we present ourselves is our own understanding and way of showing the world who we are. We shouldn’t dismiss these positives we have in order to seem presentable toward another. Yes sometimes we can be overly expressive or overly talkative, but in the same respect we can be overly loving and positive as well. These surface level understandings we use to interoperate another are very limiting pieces of information. Now there are always things that we can reflect upon in time that we honestly believe require a bit of work and this is all part of growing and learning. If we honestly feel that there are areas of ourselves that requires work, I really do encourage this understanding. But it is important not to change our internal happiness to the point that we are constantly second guessing everything we are doing. We must be ourselves, it should be effortless. What one may find as annoying or immature another will find as amazing and perfect. We so often change our understanding to suit people we admire or even obsess over to seem normal and accepted. But as we know there is no such thing as normal! We are all unique with our own approach toward the world. What is normal anyway? Normal is the act of a certain behavior that is believed to be acceptable to your current environmental or social surroundings, that’s all!
It seems after an emotional relationship has ended we start to construct the Great Wall of China within our hearts and defend it at all costs! We start to assess all our past relationships and events with a bias minset and continue to add to the criteria of what we want in another, until our perfect partner is inexistent. To be committed to a relationship we must rid the ego and understand our worries and discomforts. Most importantly understand where they stem from. Are they from a negative experience or from a positive one? Realize the things that we really appreciated and incorporate it within our responses to others. Rid the negativity and rid the expectations we may have and let it flow naturally.
The behavioral patterns we come resented in past relationships should be a learning experience toward the types of behaviors we wish to dismiss within ourselves. We should understand what did and what did not compliment those experiences. Some of us confuse negative behaviors as a sense of strength, reminiscing of how these our previous flawed approaches affected us within the relationship. It is important to remember that these flawed approaches may not transmit the same response in another completely new individual.
Understand that each and every person is unique and different, we subconsciously associate appearances, culture, behaviors and even dialog toward events and individuals that remind us of past events when truth be told there is really no resemblance at all.
Understand that the behaviors we have expressed in the past which were acceptable or even dismissed will receive a different response toward a new individual. Remember that new relationships are a new slate and are a new beginning of getting to know someone and for them to get to know you from the very beginning. We must all have an open mind and experience the relationship for what it is in a completely new way. Really understand yourselves and what you respond to and don’t forget to honor the approach that makes you happy.
Once we understand this teaching we can really hone into the quality’s we admire in others. It is important to really assess if these qualities are something we genuinely admire internally or if they are a quality that we have come to think we admire only because we are associating it to another. Further we can assess our approach toward new relationships and see how we have grown our understanding of who we are and also assess where we may be substituting elements of our happiness only to seem more presentable toward others.
Relationships and all life’s events present an opportunity for us to learn more about ourselves. So next time you see a behavior that makes you feel discomfort, question where it stems from and understand what response it resonates within you. See if it may be a bias understanding caused by a previous event and perfect your approach. Let’s learn and Grow in all life challenges together.
I hope you enjoyed this post, Please feel free to comment.
Until Next Time, Take Care
Early on within a relationship we start assessing our potential suitors in every way imaginable, to make things even worse we start assessing them under the microscope. What one may consider small talk in order to fill the gaps of silence and minimize their uncomforted, others will interoperate in a completely reverse understanding by analyzing each and every sentence to make an assumption of who we really are! After a substantial amount of time within a relationship we continue to learn more about who our partners really are and just as we thought we knew everything there was to know, Boom! it all starts crumbling down.
Let’s fast forward now, assuming we have now past the attraction stage flown though the honeymoon phase, somehow crawled through the cluster of doubts and second guessing that start to surface, climbed over the early commitment phase to now we find ourselves swimming in the oceans of love and acceptance, which can be a constant battle of tides as we all know. Every relationship evolves and it is required to evolve for us to grow, the problem is when the relationship evolves from two separate mind-sets opposed to one. Let’s explore the struggles of an ongoing relationship that has suddenly taken a detour, separating two individual that were once raising the same flag into complete strangers trying to defend their territory. Let’s go behind enemy lines!
Personalities can be quite tricky, there is something fascinating about the way we subconsciously take on these so called roles in a relationship over time. The most amazing thing about it is that we are usually the last to realize our behaviors. We are constantly trialing new behavioral traits all the time, some are seasonal where others come to stay. The ones that come to stay eventually merge within our daily routines, infect our personalities and appear within our communication patterns without us even realizing. We come to believing that these behaviors are acceptable and a necessity to keep our relationships in check and yes, we eventually practice them to perfection.
Within a relationship couples generally take on roles and responsibilities of who they are within the partnership and what is expected of them, missing the true fundamentals that had blossomed the relationship from the very beginning. We start to change our outlook on the relationship and eventually start to look at it as a second career. We all know that relationships require work, but it shouldn’t be this hard right!
Many relationship roles start fazing in and out dependent on the issues that arise within the partnership. Many of these roles are caused from a frustrated and confused state of mind. Some take on the parental role, making sure they keep their significant other in line by setting strict rules in order to encourage a change. Others take on the over protective role by consistently checking in with their partners to the point that their caring nature is misunderstood for clinginess. The problem with these self-assured roles we allocate toward ourselves is the effect it plays in the background and the hidden messages we are conveying within its delivery. We start to focus on the tasks at hand instead of the cause and response. Which can be very damaging within long term relationships. Others surrender to the potential of drama and continue to let things slip away in a way that projects themselves as inexistent just to avoid any form of conflict, thinking that they are more mature in doing so. However the more we continue to do these actions the more we reassure that this sort of behavior is acceptable. In other words we become predictable, we continue to damage our self-respect and self-confidence. We put our relationships at risk without us even knowing.
As humans we all urge to be understood, appreciated and listened to. There is nothing more disrespectful than another shutting us down and making us feel that our views are unexpected. In time this also breaks down our self-confidence and self-respect for ourselves and our partners. We start surfacing feelings of disappointment and frustration which causes us to act on pure emotion of the moment trying to defend our persona, which may come off us selfish or even childlike. We silence the understanding of others and how they may be feeling by creating a tunnel vision and a sense of inner war against each other. We sure do keep them guessing! Truth is when we fall victim to these patterns we continue to damage our relationships and cause boundaries to be crossed to a point of no return. We say things out of spite, confusion and anger which are usually an over exaggerated expression of our disappointments. This is caused by a years of suppression. We cluster our thoughts and build up walls within ourselves that Hercules himself couldn’t tear down. We continue to poison our understanding in the relationship by over analyzing sentences and expressions, treading on very thin and shallow water trying not to disturb the current. We make false expectations, unrealistic criteria’s that if we were to express to another they would probably call us crazy. We are all guilty of this one! In time we put so much pressure on the relationship it starts to become something more than a chore. It becomes another piece of evidence toward our disappointment that effects our entire outlook of life. A continuous chain reaction of negativity.
Our relationships start to become a tug a war marathon, deep down we want things to change however due to a feeling of disconnect we fear our next move. Others take on revenge tactics in order to evoke a sympathetic response and have our significant other realize that they may be in the wrong. The only problem here is that we are not mind readers and this behavior is interoperate in a negative mind-set. There are even times that our significant others may go out of their way to do something special for us that we deeply admire and appreciate, however as a result we disqualify their efforts duly because they had made us feel that our efforts in the past were not appreciated. We try to evoke the same response in them in hope to teach them a lesson. Eventually our significant other feels that there is no winning and eventually dismisses these gestures for future use, thinking that it would be a waste of time. Some of us may even give up on the relationships at hand believing that it has become stale and eventually stop expecting so much and dismiss all efforts/thoughts of ever reviving them. It becomes a lost cause! We wait for our partners to do something amazing, just to show to us how they feel. However they fear the response they will receive by us because they have come to understand that we have both become two different individuals, fighting for different outcomes.
Truth is relationships are hard, however the question we should be asking ourselves is, was it hard in the very beginning. I know many will say, “It was different before, we have a fluster of hormones, excitement and lust present. Now we are just so use to each other, it’s not the same.” This is where we are wrong.
We have assessed over the years what is acceptable and what may be frowned upon within each other. We fear that we may come off as needy, over caring or rude and self-cantered if we were to completely open up. We fear that this behavior may cause another un-wanting element to the relationship. We fear of overdoing it and be made the fool. It is a two way street and it can be quite difficult when you can’t see eye to eye.
We eventually start living a one sided relationship, an internal war against two people not trying to win but to defend themselves. We start to in vision everything from a single frame of mind with no sense of togetherness. From the side line looking in, it seems as though both parties are continuously prepping themselves to reach a point that they can call the quits to the relationship but never do. They have dismissed all thoughts of reuniting and creating peace within each other. Thinking that it is too hard to revive a love that had once blossomed. All their actions are assessed from a bias stand point and they are aware of it. They start living a solo life within a partnership, giving each other more space than is required, sleeping in separate beds etc. Actions to further validate the state they are experiencing within the relationship. Avoiding unwanted conflict toward the things that should be shared and challenged together. They even start to create a strategic mind sets and routines to avoid conflict and drama which all put strain on a relationship and further reassures this misalignment within them.
After doing these routines for a long time, these behaviors and understandings eventually become a habit, their minds are influenced by a state of panic and they suddenly surrender. Couples may say things like, “I feel as though my partner does not understand me anymore” truth is that many of them don’t want to be understood, because then it will put more fault on themselves if we were to split. See everyone wants to take away the blame so they are not at fault however they are never really open to change and consideration to actually making it work. They have already made up their minds!
We fall into roles within relationships all the time, we all do. Some fall into more abundant roles where other fall into the negative ones. We start to compensate in areas the other lacks or believes they lack. This is a way of trying to teach our significant other to change their habits. In the interim we are conveying that our partners are not good enough and that we are unsatisfied with their efforts.
No one is perfect, relationships are hard, but we must remember the fundamentals of a partnership. It is the art of working together, merging our strengths and weaknesses in order to merge as one. It is a ritual that symbolizes togetherness, a way of complimenting each other and acceptance. To be open, loved and care for one another. It needs compassion, sympathy and understanding.
One thing we must understand about humans is that when really want something that bad, we do let go of our egos and commit to do all it takes to get what we want when we feel confident toward it. We become vulnerable and outgoing when there is a chance that we can get what we want. Someone that falls into the pattern of “why do I always have to be the one” is acting from fear. Now if you are the one that always tries to fix the relationship and you are genuinely satisfied with everything you have done and by this I am saying that we have expressed your intentions openly, put yourself on the line and are actively trying to make it work, but your significant other is not supporting you and assisting you. Then it may be that they have made up their minds up and this is where you should be openly expressing your true feelings to one another. Like I have explained in my previous post “Battle of Tides – https://simplisticinsights.wordpress.com/2017/02/21/battle-of-tides-eliminating-all-future-regrets/” We all have the right of free will. It may be better to call the quits under these circumstances, but this decision is yours to make and express toward your significant other.
Many of us within these circumstances seem to dance around the fire because we fear the unknown and to be honest we fear the effort that is required. However trust me, there is only good things to be gained once we commit to working on our relationships.
Pay attention the next time you are feeling uncertain and acting solely on your emotions, understand the elements that trigger your responses. Realize that instead of focusing on the tasks at hand, really understand the situation and what the underlining intentions are. We carry so much grief and so much disappointments around with us, that it is impossible to suppress a world of negativity for very long. Eventually the pressure will explode and cause damage in un-wanting areas. It is like a jar, the more it fills the quicker it starts overfilling flooding areas of our lives that were meant to remain dry without us even knowing it. We express our disappointments in all different events and setting which only adds to the confusion present and further poisoning the approach of our significant others. We have them thinking that their abundant behaviors are unwanted due to past disappointments that have occurred. In return they feel that their efforts are no accepted in the way they were hoping for us to respond. In turn they label this approach as unacceptable and never try it again!
We can always relight that feeling of love and togetherness, there is always hope.
It first starts with an open understanding from both parties, this conversation is a must! There must be an agreement from both parties and a consistent approach for change. Pay attention to your approach together in different settings and start to make a list of the things that annoy you or make you feel discomfort. Understand what your strengths and weaknesses are and compensate toward your approach. Work together to perfect your flaws and in return you will both learn something more about each other in the process. Question each other and put a pause on the events that start to get out of hand, then break it down together. Make it fun by introducing code words and quirky names with each other, get involved and participate as a team. Be open to criticism and accept the response your partner gives you, understand why they feel the way they do, surrender to your ego and share your internal feelings openly. You must become vulnerable. Question the things that may seem not so genuine within your partner’s expectations, learn to compromise and sympathize. Look at your partner the way you looked at them when you first fell in love. Soul gaze and experience that genuine feeling of togetherness, that feeling of longing and knowing that you will never let the relationship drift this far away again. Express your feelings, appreciate them and most importantly listen to one another!
By acknowledging the areas that require work and agreeing to work on them is half the battle. Let’s embrace this love again and work together to further enrich our lives for the better.
I hope you have enjoyed my post this week, Please feel free to comment and express your insights.
Until Next Time, Take Care.
Self Confidence, what lies within that feeling which causes us to walk in pride, push our shoulders back, stand tall and glide through life in ease? That feeling of openness and knowing that our statements really matter? What makes us that force of attraction that causes people to gravitate toward our unique qualities like an unstoppable magnet?
It never seems to amaze me the amount individuals that have such a hard time grasping this skill. We have all been gifted a life of individuality and uniqueness, for me this alone should be enough to prove our greatness toward the world. That no one within this reality is an exact replica of who you are, not even close. I really want to dwell within this topic and yes I want to get personal.
So much confusion surrounds our understanding of who we are and what is acceptable of us to fit within an ever changing world. From social norms, to our appearances, carrier paths and our personality or the personality’s we believe we should be acting out. We all know we are our own worst critics! But all these understandings are not a true essence of who we really are, these factors of assurance we rely so heavily on are just the range of different outfits we choose mix and match in order to seem presentable within the external reality. These promising traits are a way for the world to assess our compatibility within different settings and social groups, I believe this is what causes a hindrance within that hidden confidence we all possess. It’s not the traits that do us wrong, but the way we shape our understandings around them and how we measure them in an external way.
We all have idols, people we admire and even obsess over, but it is important to realize that we are all the same creation in a different flesh. That everyone within this realm of reality is unique and one of a kind. The difference between one that holds themselves with pride and continuously self-reassures themselves of their amazingness, is that they accept themselves in all their entirety. They acknowledge their flaws not as a negative but as a unique trait and a source of motivation toward the traits that they wish to work on. We must really understand that flaws are not something that are to be frown upon, but a trait of uniqueness.
The Japanese have a saying “Wabi-sabi” which is a concept that explains that beauty is within the imperfection, it’s within the Authentic, the uniqueness.
I believe we are all on even playing fields, where one individual lacks in imagination one excels in analytical and where one lacks in passion another excels in communication etc. We all have amazing traits and we all unlike another. That’s why we have doctors, actors, teachers and scientists. There is room for everyone, this is why the world is so interesting and exciting. Forget about appearances, forget about your thoughts of inadequacy and forget about how the external world see’s you! This is an internal experience.
Individuals may pressure us into following the herd of social norms, others will even criticize us, however it is not up to them to take on this leadership of your life and try to lead you down a path of consistency. We are the captains of our ship and that’s the best part about this whole experience!
We all have flaws, we all have parts of our personality’s that require work but all this can be changed with the right approach and mind-set. We tend to be discouraged over the smallest things, we lose our confidence and motivation so often duly because others don’t take the time to appreciate our uniqueness and to be quite honest we lose sight of it ourselves and put too much emphasis on the reactions others submit to us. Let’s face it we are who we are and there is no mistake about it. This is what we have been given and we must learn to embrace ourselves for who we are. Beauty is not forever, material and money doesn’t shape the individual we truly are within. Peer pressure isn’t someone holding us at point blank forcing us to change who we are, but it often feels that way. So many times we sabotage our morals and even give into the feeling of inadequacy duly because we feel we must be doing certain things to feel accepted via the external world. We make unrealistic expectations toward ourselves in order to feel that we are worthy of accepting ourselves or even worthy of the external world. “We must have a successful carrier, we must get our bodies in shape, we must have a nice car”, these understandings are only a way to measure up the external world and outer expectations of what we should be. We live in a world of unlimited expectations via a limited and confused understanding from our external reality. We live through the eyes of the external world acting on the impulses we believe will be admired or even respected. We often neglect ourselves and silence our internal intuition thinking there is something wrong within our makeup because we have a different view on things that the majority of others feel may be weird or unacceptable. In return we became confused, scattered and we eventually fall into the role of a pleading child just looking for attention from the external because we never learnt to accept ourselves internally.
There is something amazing about how some hold themselves. There is something infectious about it wouldn’t you say. This is Self-confidence, Self-pride, Self-praise acceptance and love for who they are.
There are two types of confidence that are very evidently seen within us all. There is Situational confidence and internal or subconscious confidence. Both states are one of the same however one is situational and another is a true internal acceptance.
Situational confidence is the most common of all, this confidence is built from the external world. It could be gained through carrier, for example. An individual that strives at work to continually push the boundaries and in return is praised and respected from their colleagues, receiving constant reassurance of their greatness. It could also be gained via ones position within an organization, such as a CEO or your boss. However in a different setting away from their profession such as, in a social event outside of their career with strangers, this individual will suddenly loose that spark and go back with their shell until they are put back into their comfort zone of their professional setting.
You can notice this type of confidence within middle age individuals at high school, they may be a different person within their social circle or at school until they come home and become the complete opposite. See they feel comfort and acceptance within their social circle and a sense of worth or belonging. This causes them to manipulate their understanding of what is expected of them. When they are outside of that setting they feel that others cannot understand them or accept them for who they are. Further they feel if they are seen with individuals that may cause them to lose value within their social circles eyes (Such as been seen with their parents for example) this may attract un-wanting labels toward them and may in return result in a loss of respect within their social circle and a lowering of their social status. This causes they become very cautious on how they are perceived within the external and consistently evaluating their actions they take.
On the other hand a subconscious confidence is in braced internally and spread throughout all walks of life. The individual that internally accepts themselves will embrace this confidence and incorporate it within each day and situation they are faced. Now don’t get confused with over confidence or cockiness as they say, as this is a situational confidence that is over supplementing another issue and masking a disappointment.
We focus only on the negative so often, we blame ourselves for the mishaps of the day thinking we are the ones at shame. This could be because we are living in “a receive to give world”, opposed to a give to receive. We even start to treat others with more respect only because of their external traits. Whist the individuals that are still trying to find their feet we consider them as weird or even a liability towards our struggle of happiness. Yes it is true, many of us still judge a book by its cover so often. We focus on the surface without really delving deep within ones soul and seeing what they earn for, what they are passionate about.
I hear quite commonly within relationships of how some individuals can’t seem to find Mr./Mrs. right “I don’t know why I always attract the party type or the type that is scared to commit”. But when we start looking within their patterns there are always a few similar traits they are attracted toward, which reassures the type they are attracting.
Anne never approaches a man she finds attractive, “If a man can’t come and at least introduce himself to me, then he is obviously not worth my time” she is constantly saying. However the guys that do approach her are often the guys that are the very self-assured and usually don’t treat her the way she is hoping. Yes there is a level of excitement and attraction, but she can’t seem to find that deep connection with them. Further, most of them don’t want to settle down and this causes Anne to keeps on complaining.
That our social understandings frown upon woman that take the initiative to initiate a conversation, they are seen as too eager and in return the girl is labelled all sorts of harsh and unacceptable words. (As a result, Anne comes to believe it is unacceptable for her to approach a man she finds attractive and this self-confidence trait is never developed in fear of being labelled or judged).
However when Anne does go out with the girls for a night to the town, there are night that she is not approached which makes her feel insecure. Truth is many guys are very attracted to Anne but they can’t seem to find the courage to approach. They fear rejection, they fear the social pressure of introducing themselves in front of all Anne’s friends etc. This straight away causes them to be disqualified as a potential suitor within Anne’s eyes. Little does Anne know that her confidence and a guy’s shyness could make an amazing match! There may be a genuine guy ready to commit to an everlasting relationship. At first he may be a little shy but once given the chance he opens up quite freely.
See we fall into these social expectations and understandings all the time, we take everything on a face or surface value dismissing that internal goals we are trying to achieve. Which eventually affects our own understanding.
Our social surroundings do shape us more than we know, we fear being labelled weird, however it is not a matter of being labelled weird, I call it being Authentic and taking charge of our own lives!
We all have the ability to be as great and as confident as we like, but what truly poisons our understandings that cause us to never even try is all shaped by our social environments. We find any excuses in the book to dismiss our efforts so quickly. We focus on all the irrelevant rather than the possibilities. “I can’t be sexy because I’m not that attractive” – Straight away we disqualify the thought due to a lack of self-acceptance/Self-Love and we never try it. “I can’t speak up within a social event, because what if I am shut down or made fun of” – Dreading the “what if’s” caused by our lack of self-respect, I won’t even attempt this because I will fail” – Caused by our lack of self-confidence and fear.
To be truly confident we must rid of the external self-assurance and embrace ourselves within. Acceptance of who we are always comes first, quality’s shine when we embrace them within. Love yourself, praise yourself, give yourself respect and accept the amazing person you are. Believe that anything is possible, if it has been done before there is your proof, if it hasn’t been done before embrace the challenge and prove yourself wrong. Rid of the criticism that you receive outside and keep persevering, words can’t hurt us until we believe them and except them internally.
We as humans are attracted to people that affect us on an emotional level, however we have to be feeling it ourselves first to transmit those feeling in others. Understand what areas of your life make you feel in control and confident, use that understanding in all areas of your life. Don’t fall into the trap of external acceptance just to feel your worth because the truth is you are not feeling that worth within yourself but only in the eyes of others. Study your idols and people you respect, understand what it is that causes you to feel inspired or attracted to them. Is it their uniqueness, their positivity or the way they dress? Captivate these traits within yourself and give yourself permission to do it. Act on your passions, express yourself openly, truly accept and love the amazing person you are within. Feel a sense of belonging within yourself first that way you always feel grounded, this is the key to an everlasting Confidence and glow.
We are all unique and amazing, it all start within ourselves when we believe it. It may feel uncomfortable at first stepping out of our comfort zone but eventually we will continuously build this internal acceptance and become more and more self-confident, it will become second nature.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s post and look forward to reading everyone’s amazing insights.
Until next time, Take care.
Happiness, it is one of those states we haven’t quite mastered yet let alone practice its perfection, a puzzling ordeal to say the least. Now I’m not talking about the type of happiness that surprisingly plans a limited visit every now and then just to remind us how miserable our lives have become just before it packs its bag and disappears again. I’m talking about that lasting feeling of satisfaction and appreciation, the good stuff!
But how do we get that lasting happiness, one of daily smiles and laughter? That feeling of letting life’s problems perish away because deep down we know that the problems we face can suffice another day and to be quite frank they really don’t bother us as it is just another experience for us to shine and grow right!
I recently stumbled upon a video that resonated with me on so many levels. A compassionate yet highly insightful understanding that I thought must be shared!
Mo Gawdat” “A Google Executive” (https://youtu.be/FfCq-3L_rNk) voices his views on happiness and I couldn’t agree more, his sharing’s have inspired me to reconstruct his insights and use his understandings to prepare this post for all my valuable readers.
We must really come to terms with and appreciate that happiness isn’t a temporary state, it is meant to be a consistent way of living, a lifestyle! As absurd and astray as this may sound, it is what we are all fighting for!
Happiness isn’t found within the riches we gain, nor is it within the material we acquire. It is an internal acceptance and reassurance that life is just right for us within “this exact moment” we are experiencing and is on the path of getting better the more we grow to experience this gift we have received. Believe me once we change this mind-set and come to see the light is and can be brighter on the other side we accept it more openly.
Mo Gawdat explain happiness like this “Happiness is equal to or greater than, the difference between the way you see the events in your life and your expectation of how life should behave!
It’s an internal state of acceptance as I like to call it, how do you picture your life to be and how is life behaving, is it acceptable for you? Should you be doing more? Because until we can accept it, life will continue to feed us everything that we being exposed to.
This understanding compliments my previous post “curve balls & that famous saying seeing is Believing” very nicely.
That life projects the experience and understanding internally before it interprets it in the outer reality, it’s simply a matter of changing the lenses we look out of. First we must see life for what it is in a nonbiased manner. Look at what you’re expecting from life and list down everything that you have right now. Compare the two and see what is complimenting your journey and what may be delaying it. Then you must acknowledge a few simple truths, are you happy with the results life is giving you, is it behaving in an acceptable way that you are willing to feel comfort towards? Understand the way we process this information and through which lenses we choose to see them through, this is the key!
Mo further explains a common misconception of how the modern world comes to see fun as a worthy opponent toward this endless feeling of happiness. The misunderstanding of these similar states can cause a whirlwind of confusion within us all. Firstly we must understand that the state of fun is experienced through our extraverted senses and then the state of happiness is experienced internally. Fun is absorbed through the external and then manifested within to trigger a responses of happiness.
A misunderstood feeling can usually cause us to attach to un-wanting yet toxic behaviors for a quick fix as they say. Some of us substitute toxic behaviors such as alcohol or drugs to revert this quick response and in time cause us to believe that these behaviors are acceptable to drain away all life’s problems in a simple binge. Others revert to more abundant behaviors such as dancing or singing, but later put too much emphasis on the results they generate within us. As a result we hypnotize our understanding to believe that we are only happy when we are participating within these events, then slowly but surely we continue to add such pressure toward these activity’s until we wear out the novelty. That our abundant actions do contribute to an everlasting happiness it is true, however they are only a limited experience or a sneak peek toward the all mighty state.
See when we are having fun this causes us to stop thinking momentarily, our thoughts seize which causes us to forget about life and all its dilemmas to help us find that state of internal fulfilment. That when one is having fun, it’s a sneak peek towards the real thing. A momentary experience designed to motivate us in achieving this abundant state of living. We simply forget our troubles because we are distracted by the moment.
But what if we could release our thoughts of sadness from the very beginning, even before we start to let our hair down? The good news is that we can but it requires work. By practicing to live in the moment every single day of our lives with a positive outlook we can start the process to happiness quite quickly, but we must incorporate the feeling of acceptance and gratitude as well.
We must acknowledge what we have and what we are being given so we can then start to strategically adjust our motivations to suit. Accept the position of life you are in right now, truth is we always want more and are constantly dissatisfied ever so often, but without accepting our current stance we have failed before we have even began.
They are millions of people that are living in a far worse situation than most of us are, living in poverty, low class society’s trying to get a foot in the door, however It would not surprise me if they in return live a more fulfilled and abundant life than many of us do. The modern world has a way of exposing us to an endless opportunity of riches and unlimited material abundance, which subconsciously affects us emotionally and subconsciously. We see so many opportunity’s that can be gained and experienced which cause us to become envious and dissatisfied with our efforts, maybe even a little annoyed. We simply have too many choices these days, there is no two ways about it. The difference between the developing world and the developed world is that one side accepts what they have and make the most of it, solely because they are not exposed to the social pressures we experience in the modern world. All the data that these less fortunate individuals process through the external world are reassured by the same results as their neighbor. Opposed to the modern world where we are constantly being exposed to many platforms that shape our understanding of the world. Though the media, work, our close friends and family, these all affect us subconsciously and distract us from being grateful and accepting of what we already have.
Happiness is not within the things we buy nor the way we show ourselves to the world, because let’s face these actions are all just way for us to get something in return, be acceptance, confidence, to show authority, power or superiority. Instead it is how we feel within.
Happiness is within each moment we are blessed here on earth, within the laughter’s, the smiles within the people and experiences, it is within everything that we do that all contributes toward achieving this utter piece within us all. Even if we don’t feel that life is measuring up to our standards we are expecting, we should understand that we can make little steps within the moment to progress the end goal. That way we can achieve a feeling of acceptance toward this very stage of our lives right now and know that soon enough we will reach this abundant state we are all longing for.
If many of us were to sit down for five minutes and really think about what it is that we are expect from life, we would be amazed with the results we could achieve. When doing so, it is important to rid of the ego and external data we are exposed towards. Forget money, material and all those deceiving items that keep contributing toward our confusion. Really think about, what you expect from life and what feelings you want to generate through this experience, remember don’t look at the surface level but really question how the feeling of acceptance and happiness is generated within you.
A quick exercise that only takes a few minutes which really helps me to stay grounded and understand my true intentions is to question my beliefs and so called ego that weaves within my waking reality. Let’s try to question our happiness!
Example – (Money + Travel = Happiness)
John wants to make a lot of money?
But why I ask?
I love to travel and to be abundant within my finances so I can travel whenever and where ever I want he replies.
But I ask why?
Because I like to travel, he replies.
Instead I say, what does travelling offer you internally, explain to me the feelings it generates within?
John reply’s, I get excited seeing new sites, eating new foods and meeting new people.
Ok, I continue why?
Because it makes me feel free and forget my problems he replies.
So is it a distraction from the world and a way for you to experience your happiness, a momentary happiness I ask?
Yes he says.
So this example above is explaining how john is substituting a state of fun (External influence) for happiness because he is unfulfilled within your current stage. How can we change this around now?
So I continue to ask.
If I gave you ten million dollars to travel the world all alone with no civilization around would you still enjoy it?
I guess it would not be as fun, it would be quite lonely he replies.
So you need to find that special someone to enjoy your time with as well I continue.
Now we are starting to justify john’s internal morals instead of just looking at travel from a surface level. John subconsciously relates travel as an exercise for him escape and distract him from his current reality.
By finding our true morals and assessing if they are being satisfied we can understand what elements will compliment us towards achieving this everlasting happiness in all areas of our lives. Further by starting to make small and steady steps to achieving our happiness we can achieve a satisfied feeling within our lives and most importantly within this exact moment we are living right now. (Remember those silent whispers that visit you within your thoughts are only invited because you feel unsatisfied with your efforts within the moment, this is your ego)
Further learn to bargain with life, we bargain all the time be at work, with friends, buying or selling. By learning to bargain with your ego you can really start to compromise with yourself and feel satisfied toward the even the more out of reach expectations you may have. Yes I like to travel, to experience new things but how can I compensate my expectations so I am gifted an internal fulfilment and acceptance until my goals are met? Shall I sacrifice a five star hotel for a shared accommodation or can I reduce the duration of my time of travel to six weeks instead of three months? Learning to compromise can do wonders. Further change your perspective toward the experience, say yes this will be fun to experience shared accommodation, this will force me to meet a lot of interesting people and help me get out of my comfort zone, it may also be a good way for me grow within the process – now it has become exciting!
Many of us might say, isn’t travelling just an act of fun, a distraction from the world? Remember that by looking at our fun distractions from a different light and justifying the outcome of our intent, it can help motivate us to make solid internal changes and truly understand our morals and what elements truly compliment this abundant state of happiness until it becomes a habit. Acknowledge what you love and your overall morals. Make small and steady changes each day to contribute to your end results, but overall and most importantly acknowledge that true happiness is the result of overall acceptance.
Spend the time to realize what will generate happiness within you and work towards it, understand the graciousness within the day and feel the abundance. It is the journey that shapes our understanding, this is what counts. The prize is not winning as the prize is within the journey.
Fun is only a sneak peak of what there is to be gained, but by understanding what your fun generates and practicing within the abundant feelings it can lead you to captivate those habits of an everlasting enjoyment and happiness. See being happy is a choice we make, and a choice we can make right now. Yes it can be hard and will require some practice to reach that everlasting and rewarding feeling, but like your thoughts of negativity and depression, we had also practiced them subconsciously in the past. Some of us even practiced negativity that well that we eventually mastered the darkened arts. Now it’s time for us to learn and practice the art of freedom and Love. Let’s change our mind-set and make a new habit for the best. We go to gyms and practice cooking etc. these all have their benefits so why not incorporate a little maintenance for our emotion state as well!
Every result in your life comes from the effort you put into it, let’s all make a movement together for a more fulfilled experience. Let’s practice the arts of happiness and together create a movement within us all.
I hope you liked this post, and look forward to all your insights you would like to share.
Until Next Time, Take Care.